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Talking about BDSM in class tonight.



I'm praying I can keep a straight face. Most of the class knows I'm the student senate president...they don't need to know anymore than that.

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Requiem
00:37 Mar 01 2012

Heh. :D

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Got that silly machine that is supposed to help me breathe at night.



It lasted all of 20 minutes last night.



Why? Because it doesn't account for panic attacks.



I don't like the feeling of being suffocated, which the mask does to me, and then when I freaked out, the machine pumped more air in because I was hyperventilating.



Boyfriend yanked the damn thing off me and said I'm sleeping without it. Tonight we are going to try it again with me taking my panic meds before bedtime. Yay >.>



I also couldn't get comfortable. I sleep on my sides because the sheer weight of my chest hurts. It's really hard to sleep with that stupid thing on when you have your head to the side.



Meh. I don't like the damn thing.

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Elemental
03:53 Mar 01 2012

I tried for 3 months to wear it......i never could either.It was the same for me.I felt like I was suffocating.

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Boyfriend surprised me with nail polish today.



He got me this gorgeous green creme and a total glitter fest of a polish.







I wish the camera on my ipod could catch the awesomness of it. It's layered over black (obviously) and totally looks like a party on my nails. I'll use the green later this week. I need some sparkle right now.



He also got me a Boondock Saints poster with the prayer on it. Just had to add that part. Totally coolest thing ever.





Now, off to pick a song for the spring concert for my solo.

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Requiem
06:55 Feb 28 2012

Hooray!

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I put this on facebook, but I know I have people here that get worried.



Can't see the building across the way because of the snow. The plows have obviously -not- been out. Apparently we are getting about three inches per hour and wind from 15-25 miles an hour. We also have frozen fog. Not sure what it is, but I'm going to guess it's about as shitty as the rest of this.



The only people out driving are the ones with SUVs and Jeeps.

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Requiem
21:08 Feb 26 2012

Bundle up! Cuddle! Play video games. :) Enjoy each other and warm.



Be safe. :)

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We pushed off our trip to the store for tomorrow.



I checked the weather. 8-10 inches of snow and we will have 25 mph gusts of wind.



That car ain't moving tomorrow. Guess we go to Wal Mart tonight.

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Requiem
07:35 Feb 26 2012

Good call.

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Those that read my journal often, know that I had my psych doctor switched.



Well I learned today that it was just for this appointment. When they called last week, they never told me why Dr Molly wasn't seeing anyone.



Her computer crashed. (ok)



She also is notorious for always running behind on appointments and paperwork. When her computer crashed, she fell about 2 months behind in paperwork. So she is taking time away from clients to catch up. I got the promise that I'll get to see her again for my next appointment! Yay!



The other guy I saw was pretty nice. He gave me the lab request for the thyroid test with no questions asked. He saw the sleep study results and the notes and mentioned that it is a good idea to get it tested. He also rewrote my prescription for my mood stabilizers. It ran out almost 3 months ago.



I'm good to go. :D



Also, the walk wasn't too bad. It is -2 outside (windchill factored in) but I didn't have many issues. I did get hit with a gust of wind on the way there that made me tear up, but that's about it.

So over the past few weeks, Sean and I have been watching The Voice.



He kept mentioning that I should audition.



Now, I saw the information pop on facebook to do that very thing.



The meds are getting to me! I'm tempted.



I totally love rejection.

Ugh.



While I'm no longer stuffy and snotty, I have a nasty sore throat and cough. Now is the time to break out the Robotussin. Normally I stick to Sudafed for colds, but I need something for the cough.



I also slept like crap again. I shall attempt to go snuggle under my blanket again before I have to go to the doctors.



I wonder if I can get the psych doctor to order me something for my cough... o.o

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moonkissed
15:21 Feb 24 2012

Got lemon and honey?

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Quick little update for me before I scoot off to bed again.



Feeling a bit better. I've managed to drink a gallon of orange juice and now I'm breaking in my new water bottle. I also smell like old lady (vicks rub).



Sneezing is almost gone.



Will I be able to perform Saturday at the game with the Choir? Probably not. I do have a sore throat and I don't need to take that risk. I already let the rest of them know that I won't make it.



Off to the soft comfy bed for another 4 days of rest.

Another small victory.



I took Requiems suggestion of using Carmex on my nose. Except I don't have Carmex, instead I have Qtica intense repair.



Which has menthol in it.



No more chappy AND I'm breathing a bit better.

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moonkissed
02:37 Feb 24 2012

Awesome!

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Requiem
12:06 Feb 24 2012

That IS awesome. Win-win, man!

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Small victory!



I'm getting Mac and Cheese for dinner. Why? Because I whined to the boyfriend about needing texture. :D

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moonkissed
01:08 Feb 24 2012

YAY!

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Ended up clocking another 4 hours of sleep, on top of the 12 I got last night. I'm feeling a bit better than before, but not perfect. I think it's starting to settle in my chest.



If it does that, I'm going to call the doctor and ask for the treatment. (prednisone)



Also, why couldn't I have gotten sick over the 5 day weekend? Or wait until next week when I have spring break? -.-



I also want real food for dinner. No more soup. I don't care how much my throat hurts, I can not drink anymore food. I want mac and cheese or chicken patties. Anything with texture. D:

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moonkissed
01:08 Feb 24 2012

It's not going to settle in your chest. I had the same thing last week and it was a bitch. I am never sick like that. The day it started to feel like it was going to my respiratory system was the apex of the illness.

Keep sleeping, keep eating soft easy to digest foods. Every day you will feel a little better but just keep resting as you are able.

This thing seems to be taking about a week to run it's course unless your lungs are already compromised by COPD or a very weak immune system.

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Abstract
01:21 Feb 24 2012

I have severe asthma. Which is why I'm scared. My immune system isn't exactly the best.

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moonkissed
02:42 Feb 24 2012

My husband is at the same point that you are. He has asthma, Dioxin damage and is a smoker. He is at about the same point that you are at too but poor guy is stuck at work :(



Just keep resting. I am glad you found something to help you breath.

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It might be the cold meds, but some of the shit I'm reading is making me tilt my head and say "seriously? I mean, seriously?"



On another note, I'm out of tissues (the good kind with vicks and lotion) so I have resorted to toilet paper to blow my nose. Painful :(



Bleh.



Also, I hate being sick. I pump myself so full of juice and water that I end up having to go to the bathroom like a bajillion times more than normal.

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moonkissed
16:42 Feb 23 2012

I hate that :(

You should be in bed Abs.

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Abstract
16:45 Feb 23 2012

Ah ha! I am. xD



I have my awesome ipod in the bed with me. I'm also bored.

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Requiem
21:50 Feb 23 2012

For your poor nose! Use Carmex. I swear it works to help heal the chapping, and does not sting.

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Final decision was made regarding going to class. More like, I asked my Choir director if she wants me there.



We are told that even if we are sick, we can sit in the back of the room and listen.



I was all for that, except I'm sneezing and I got told that there is no way in hell she wants me there. So, there is no way in hell I'm going to my classes today. The only place I'm going is to sleep until I have to go to the doctor.

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sahahria
15:30 Feb 23 2012

I hope you feel better soon

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I've been sick the past two days.



I didn't go to class last night because of it. I'm debating going today as well.



I feel like utter crap. I know it's best if I sit in choir and just listen, but I also don't want to share what I have with the rest of the class.



Time to get drugged up on sudafed! Yay!



*dies*

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Requiem
12:34 Feb 23 2012

:: pat pat ::

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So the sleep study I had back in January has had the final results read.



When the sleep tech talked to me the next morning, he mentioned that I don't have sleep apnea.



The doctors that looked at the results say differently. I'll be set up with a machine sometime this week.



Will this stop me from demanding a damn thyroid test from my doctor? Not a chance in hell.



I still am concerned about the weight gain and other issues that are presented regarding that.



The machine seems scary. ._.

A friend challenged me to test my typing speed. When I get typing really fast he can hear me on skype and thinks I'm just going crazy.



So I did it.



I can type 67 wpm with no mistakes. Mind you, I was half asleep and had to reread the passage a few times.



I shall try again when I'm rested. :D

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Requiem
12:51 Feb 22 2012

You sound like me.



I was on the phone with a friend - "Holy shit - is that rain I hear?"



"... No ... I'm typing."



" ... Wow."

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sahahria
19:12 Feb 22 2012

Lol I'm about 45-50 words a min, but my good friend is 96wpm. Hence why I had her type my 30 page papers o.o

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Things I'm grateful for these past few days.



I'm grateful I can open my fridge and cupboards and have food. It may not be "name brand" companies, but it is edible and will sustain a person. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head and that we have a car that semi-works.



I'm also grateful for my friends. Both online and in person. They are great to hang out with and just rant.



Over the past two years, I feel I have grown a lot. I am NOT some helpless mental health case. I am grateful for my medication and therapy. I have gotten my life back on track and put myself in a better place. People can try to target me online about things in the past, but that is all they are doing, targeting. I'm not the same person and I'm not going to deal with pettiness. This goes beyond VR and into my game. I'm grateful for the friends there, that see me as who I am now.



I'm grateful for who I am as a person. I am myself and I don't care what others think. I do things my way. If I want to buy a Darth Vader with bunny ears, I don't care if I look weird at the register. If I take a picture and I forget to move my bottles of medication, oh well. I need them everyday. If someone can't accept that, then that is them. I've accepted that I'm going to need things in my life that others consider "bad".



I'm grateful for life. :)

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Joli
07:52 Feb 21 2012

This is beautiful.

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Third one for the day. :D



Finding a coupon for something I've wanted to try, just on the floor of the store.

Here is one of my three (the day is early still)



Finding 200 dollars in your bank account left over from taxes. I double checked every transaction and all the ones I made, went through. Meaning that money is just there.



If that isn't a perk to the day, I don't know what is.

Three:

•Good online friends that like to start a little fun. (Game related, not VR)

•The Italian place that delivers. I'm going to be able to eat 3 meals out of that one plate.

•The feeling you get after you donated blood and you realize you did something good for the world.



On another note...



Is there something terribly wrong with my profile? Some idiot keeps stalking it...everyday.

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Joli
07:02 Feb 17 2012

So cool to read these.

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Forgot yesterday...again. D:



So here are 6!



•Coffee. Nothing more to say.

•Finding this beautiful orchestral arrangement of a song I like in my playlist.

•Playing Mario Kart with my boyfriend. Good fun.

•Magnetic nail polish. Simple to use, cool effects.

•Remembering to log into Spotify on the ipod before leaving my house.

•My boyfriend supporting my bad habit of buying nail polish. Zoya had a deal...I came, I saw, I shopped.



And an added bonus..

•Getting Twisted Metal as an extra Valentines Day gift. Boyfriend ordered it last week. :D

Hope everyone has a fantastic Valentines Day.



I also forgot my 3 things for last night.



•A doctor that cares and pushed for me to get medication.



•Beautiful choices in nail color. I have the perfect mani for Valentines Day.



•My mother teaching me when I was younger that making a good steak starts the night before. Knowing the basic principles of how meat like that works, means I didn't grow up learning to beat the bejeebus out of my steaks. Instead, learning that a nice marinade will cut down the fibers, leaving a nice tender steak. I make a pretty damn good marinade too. *nod*

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Requiem
13:12 Feb 14 2012

:)

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Update from the other day.



I will be able to get my medication today.



My doctor called the Pharmacy and pushed through the meds for me. They had a trial card thing that allows me to get 14 days worth of medication. They did two of those so I can get a month of meds.



You never realize how much you need them until you don't have them.

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Requiem
21:50 Feb 13 2012

:hug: I am so glad. :)

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sahahria
13:59 Feb 14 2012

Requiem said it for me *hugs*

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For those that are in here a lot, I sometimes speak about my 'father'. The wonderfully stupid man he is.



I've never met him in person because the times I've tried, he's ditched me. Throughout my life, he has been pretty absent.



About a year and half ago, he added me on facebook and started to talk to me. Going on and on about how he wants to be in my life now and what have you. There are over 20 years of damages that need fixing, so I've moved careful. He's mentioned a few times that he always tried to be in my life, but my mother stopped him. Something I didn't really believe. But that's his story.



Now, this morning I woke up with 3 missed calls from my mother. I call her back to find out who died. (No one)



On facebook, my father posted a picture and with the comment "Look at this little guy!"



Here is the picture:







Apparently his mother sent him a box of old pictures. Inside that box was that picture. That picture is 23 years old and was taken inside a hospital in Rochester New York. I would know, it's me in the picture.



He thinks it's a baby picture of him. My mother told me that everyone got copies of that picture when I was born, including him.



You would have thought the pink background would have given it away. But apparently it didn't.



I'm a bit upset. All his talk about "wanting to make things right" and "I've tried to be there all along" is bullshit.



I'm done dealing with him.

Anyone got any good books/series for me to read next?



Preferably ones that are already in paperback. It's not that I am too cheap for hardcovers, they are awkward to curl up and read with. I also have attempted to read via the kindle app on my ipod. It just doesn't have the same feel. :/



But yes, books. I'm good with almost every genre/style. I just finished Steig Larsson's trilogy (Girl With Dragon Tattoo/ect)



Suggestions?

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Dream
06:26 Feb 11 2012

The Sookie Stackhouse novels are a fun, light read, and well, anything by Neil Gaiman is always good. Good Omens and American Gods are two I highly recommend to anyone. Also the series, A Song of Ice and Fire, the books Game of Thrones is based off of are actually great reads, too.

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Requiem
06:39 Feb 11 2012

I agree with ALL of the above - Plus - Any damn thing by Terry Pratchett is just plain good fun! You should be able to get a ton of his stuff at a Half Price Books, too.

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Abstract
06:40 Feb 11 2012

Thanks! I'm going to add those to the list and see what I can find.

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Euphoria
20:49 Feb 11 2012

I'm not sure of your personal tastes...but I'm an avid reader, and can recommend some of my favorites...and I will:

Vintage by Steve Berman (kind of...not really childish but it seems a bit...I don't know, but I loved it. It was amazing despite that flaw that I can't put into words.)

Anything Palahniuk, preferrably Invisible Monsters, Haunted, Rant, or Damned.

Augusten Burroughs everything.

That's all I can think of.

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Now that I've had my fun, I want to give a warning to those that interact with me.



Today, after a nice long conversation with my social worker, I found out that she just canceled my case because of lack of proof. The kicker? She had the proofs and misplaced them.



So I am without insurance and without food stamps. She pushed the food stamps through so that we would have them tomorrow. My insurance will hit back on Monday, at the earliest. She warned it would take up to 2 weeks.



I don't have any meds after tonight. The plan was to go to Wally World and pick those up along with some groceries.



No medication is a big deal. HUGE deal. I have some of my emergency medications (which I take when my normal meds seem to not work) but I'm afraid I may need those in a few days.



So, if I seem crabby or snappy. I'm sorry. If I seem depressed and whiney. I'm sorry. I'm hoping I have enough racked into my body that I am fine until the insurance kicks in. Or I get in touch with my doctor and she gives me sample packs.



So yeah. Heads up.

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sahahria
04:37 Feb 11 2012

*hugs*

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Requiem
04:50 Feb 11 2012

:HUG:

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Is it possible to become physically sick from too much stress?



On a funny note.



The UPS guy is British.



o.o

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Requiem
19:52 Feb 10 2012

Yes, it is.

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Xzavier
20:24 Feb 10 2012

Very possible. Was he cute?

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Abstract
20:25 Feb 10 2012

Nah. He was old, but totally awesome.



And I think I need a stressless weekend. I'm sick of feeling sick. x_x



I shall prescribe myself chocolate therapy.

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Ugh.



Just ugh.



I want to shower, but I get this feeling that the moment I turn the water on, UPS will finally show up.



:/

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AlesanaFanGirL
19:51 Feb 10 2012

I know that feeling...lol the ups guy usually comes between 3 and 6 and this one day i got in the shower at 1pm he cam ugh!!! lol

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I totally love calling my social worker.



With her awesome ways or not communicating, or looking at paperwork I gave her.



We didn't get our food stamps today. When I redid the paperwork last month, I included both mine and Sean's paystubs.



I call her and she goes "I need his paystubs."



You. have. them.



She realizes that she does have them, apologizes and states she will work on that right now.



-.-



She should have worked on it last month when she got the information. Then I wouldn't have this problem.



A little note about this. We both work. I do workstudy which is sporadic and not good pay. He works 40-50 hours a week making just above minimum wage. He also drives 40 miles to work.



If we don't have food stamps, it turns into "food or gas" and most of the time, gas wins.



So not getting the little bit we do get in food stamps, is a bad thing.



So yeah. A problem.

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Requiem
18:35 Feb 10 2012

:(

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So found out who called.



The sleep doctor that did my sleep study. They want to set up a nap study to test for narcolepsy.



I asked them if I could talk to my doctor about something before setting it up and they were ok with that.



I want my Thyroid checked before I go through another test like that.



I was already told that they bring you in the night before for a sleep study to make sure you get a good nights sleep.



That was far from a good nights sleep.



Nope. Bloodwork first. I can handle a needle just fine.

I wish that when people call me (especially during the day) that they would leave a damn message.



I'm in class until 2pm on Tuesdays/Thursdays. Leave a god damn message or I won't call you back.



And don't call like 3 times in a row.



Grrrr.



My purse was vibrating the entire last half of English while I was trying to take a test.

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PAGANofMidnight
20:14 Feb 09 2012

I have noticed that the art of leaving a message seems to be die-ing thing in my life as well as of late! hate it!!!

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I think I found out why I was feeling like I was drunk last night.



No, I didn't drink.



I'm supposed to take 5 pills at night. Two of them have two pills each, meaning 4 right there. The other one is a single dose.



Instead of taking 1 pill of that med, I took 2. Of course I took only 1 of something I need 2 of.



Oh well.



Let's not take more than one Ativan.

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Requiem
12:33 Feb 09 2012

o.O

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Ok, long-ish entry time.



Today was one interesting day for school. For those that don't know, I was switched from singing Alto (after learning the new music at that voice part) to Tenor. Why?



Because we lost most of our tenors last semester.

My teacher said that for the German piece we learned last semester, I would still sing alto on it.



Before you guys get confused as to why I'm playing swappy with voice parts: I am a contralto. My voice ranges from mid-Tenor to soprano. I am one of the most flexible singers in the group because of that. It also means I get to do a LOT of switching around to fill in any gaps we have. Anyway.



Today, I was asked if I was ok with learning the Tenor part in the German, for the sake of the section. While I'm upset that all the damn work I put into that alto part will be a moot point, I will learn the Tenor part.



Why? Because singing in a Choir is like playing a team sport. Some people make sacrifices for the overall well being of the group.



When we went to practice it, the guys asked if I wanted to go slow on the part to learn it. I said screw it, and winged my way through it.



Something I've learned in my years of singing is that when you are in a section, you work together on a lot of things. When to breathe, when someone backs off or sings more, and how to blend. You also get to know the members quite well. And you can laugh about a lot of things. Like...how David burped in the middle of the big climax in a song we are singing. You can shrug it off and laugh. It's a part of being in a group.



Now, onto other things.



I skimped on my homework for English. It wasn't intentional, I had my wrist brace on all weekend and it was near impossible to hand write 10 pages of journal entries. I managed to get to 8 and a half pages. I left a little note at the end as to why I didn't get 10, but I did attempt every journal topic.



My teachers response? "Most students put only a quarter of the effort you put into your paper. I don't care that it's less than ten pages, it's quality work. I prefer that."



So, my three things for today.



1. A great section to sing with. It's great to be able to stop and ask questions without feeling like an idiot.

2. An English teacher that rocks.

3. Chocolate milk to put on my rice krispies.

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Requiem
22:56 Feb 07 2012

♥

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I bitched enough about the "procedure" with GameStop that I got us free overnight shipping.



They need to verify that Sean placed an order, even though I have every single piece of information with me.



Hell, it went to my email.....



Ugh.

4 packages sitting by my door when I got home.



All of them are super full of happy stuff.



2 are nail mail. 1 was my bath and body works order, and the last was the book that I was hinting at towards Sean.



So, do my nails, have a bubble bath, and read a good book.



Sound like a plan?



Maybe after I finish my lunch. Rice krispies with chocolate milk. My boyfriend left the regular milk out and it sat on the counter all night....All that was left was chocolate. :D

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moonkissed
20:37 Feb 07 2012

It all sounds lovely.

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Piano lesson with a support brace on my wrist.



This should be interesting to say the least....

Last night Sean mentioned I should check WebMD about my feet. I have terribly dry feet and it gets so bad that I can actually hurt him with how rough they are. Lotion, pedegg, paraffin treatments, nothing helps. So when we searched it, only three things came up. Sunburn, wind exposure, hypothyroidism.



The last one had me curious. It runs in my family. I've been BEGGING my doctor to test for it.



We read over the symptoms.



Being more sensitive to cold

Constipation

Depression

Fatigue or feeling slowed down

Heavier menstrual periods

Joint or muscle pain

Paleness or dry skin

Thin, brittle hair or fingernails

Weakness

Weight gain (unintentional)



A warm breeze can make me shiver. When I get my periods (currently on Depo so I don't) they are heavy and painful. I'm white as a ghost. I have random issues with my knee hurting. I've gained an insane amount of weight recently. Which is the reason I wanted to get tested in the first place.



Oh, and the best part.



I had the sleep study last month to find out why I'm so tired during the day.



If my primary Doctor doesn't test me, I'm having my psych doctor do it.



And if she won't do it. I'll find another doctor who will test me. This is out of hand.

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Oceanne
16:54 Feb 06 2012

Yeah,you need to be checked.With that presentation,he shouldnt have a problem checking your Thyroid.



I really wish the best for you .

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Requiem
17:47 Feb 06 2012

Good luck, sugar!

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Watching the Super Bowl...and I'm reminded why I like hockey so much.



They don't stop every fucking 20 seconds.

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Requiem
01:36 Feb 06 2012

Plus, you can do a full on body check and not have some panty-waist cry, "FOUL!" >.>

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Abstract
02:01 Feb 06 2012

...just avoid the head or you are getting a ban.

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So today I had my first real experience with apple products.



I got an itouch thingy.



Took me an hour to get music on it. I ended up using Spotify to do it. Since I have a premium account for them, it is worth it.



Now...to put pictures on it.



o.o

Holy shopping spree.



I've spent around 250 dollars of my tax return so far.



Clothes, bra, nail polish, and some stuff from Bath and Body works.



The last one was going to be a trip to the other town, but they had a deal with 1 dollar shipping. We would spend more than that in gas alone.



Yes, I can also buy clothes in the stores. But god dammit, I'm not driving 4 hours to get to them. :P

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Requiem
12:55 Feb 02 2012

I think it's hilarious that you typed nail polish really small, like you think we'll not notice. :P heheheh ♥

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So a few hours ago my wrist started to kill me.



I thought I had been doing too much in photoshop, but I realized that I haven't really opened it at all today.



Then I remembered.



We had an ice storm last night. Freezing rain, rain, sleet, snow.



My sidewalk -looked- clear this morning. It wasn't. And I fell on my right side, using my wrist to catch my fall.



I knew it aggravated my migraine to come back, but of course I didn't think my wrist would get mucked up in it.



Guess it's a day of the brace and meds. Thank god I don't have class until tomorrow night. That way I can get some time to rest up and go without the damn brace. I can type for the most part wearing it, writing is a different story.



Bleh.

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Requiem
12:39 Feb 01 2012

Bubble wrap. You shall wear bubble wrap.

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